Landing the plane

I found after my psychosis I was on constant high alert still. Alert to whether it would happen again. Probably because I had little understanding about it.

Would I be living my life as usual again and then would I just become psychotic?

I couldn't control it the first time would that be the case if a second time occurred?

And what about the friends I lost from my first psychosis. Would I lose more if I had a second one?

And what do the people around me think? Do they think I would just become psychotic at the drop of the hat?

The truth is there are many warning signs before you become psychotic- (but that is for another blog.)

It has taken me years, years, before I felt safe enough to land the plane. To stop being on flight mode all the time. That is to come back down to earth. As if to say I trust the world around me now, I can return here.

Because after a psychosis there is one thing I lost: trust. Trust in myself. Trust in reality. Trust in what is real and what isn't.

And it wasn't until I could relax enough and come back down to earth that I could trust again.

And it feels grounding to trust again.

It feels good to know that I've landed the plane. Because when I was in full flight mode I was at the whims of stresses and easily swayed at anything that came my way. I went wherever the wind took me. I was untethered.

But after daily practices and techniques I worked out myself (that's for another blog). I am able to safely say it feels like my feet are planted firmly on the ground.

And that is where I want to stay.

With the plane on the tarmac.